Loving Kindness

Week 4 Blog Posting

This has been a rough week for me I don't feel like I have been able to accomplish anything.  Have you ever had a day where it seems that you can't seem to concentrate and everything is distracting.  Well that has been my week.  I was very excited about getting started with the exercise.  Finally we are starting the journey into integral health. 

When I listened to the recording I didn't feel that my concentration was any better, in fact the water that is played while we are supposed to be focusing distracted me. I was unable to think what I was supposed to be thinking about and ended up thinking about how I need a vacation.  I am going to continue to work on this and keep trying until I am able to do the exercise on my own.  I have learned that early in the morning when I am able to sit on my own I have better concentration and can focus. 

Honestly when the book talked about doing the exercise twice I thought about doing it again at night but I need to learn how to quiet my thoughts and fight the distractions. 

I am currently on a journey where I am trying to get every aspect in my life healthy. I think when you have something big happen in your life change is inevitable.  I am working out more, practicing pilates and yoga, also I have changed my spiritual life.  I am trying to make all things in my life better.  So how do you do that with the mind.  Well the way I see it, mental work outs are just like physical workouts.  This is something that takes time.  Something you have to work on.  Start small, you don't run a marathon in a day you start with a mile.  So I start with a small breathing exercise to calm my mind and refocus.  The next step would be a 5K, this is where I incorporate meditation into my breathing.  Not only am I able to relax but I am able to better direct my thoughts, this is the time I use for prayer.  After the 5K comes the half marathon and then the full marathon.  While I am still at the 5K stage I look forward to increasing my mental focus and being able to change the direction of my thoughts.  I look forward to the full marathon where I am finally able to see and live in my full happiness potential.

On another note I started talking to a counselor today to try to help me through a difficult situation.  I love that what we are learning in class are the exercises that she has me implementing into my life.  It definitely make things a lot easier and I can't wait to see how I benefit from both!

I have had a lot going on recently and don't feel like I am where I would like to be in any of the aspect of my life.  I would say that I am probably about at 3 physically, spiritually, and psychologically.  I have already started to decide goals that will get everything changed in my life.  I have the goal of losing at least 15 pounds, growing in my faith, and learning not to be fearful.  To accomplish these goal I have a few things in mind.  I work at a gym so I am hoping that the physical aspect will be very easy.  I am starting yoga, Pilates, and water aerobics classes.  When it comes to growing in my faith I am diving into my bible and devotional, I am also spending more time in prayer talking to God.  Psychologically I am trying to get rid of my fear by meditation and relaxation practices.  I am trying to put in to practice what we are learning in class.

I tried the relaxation technique this week but I have to be honest it didn't make me feel very relaxed which frustrated me because I really needed it at the time.  In the beginning it was relaxing because of the breathing but when it started to talk about the rainbow and colors coming out of body parts I was lost.  I do great with the breathing techniques and think I will stick with them.

We all have times in our lives where we hit a little bump in the road.  Everything seems to spiral out our control.  These past few weeks I feel like that bump has been a mountain that I can't seem to climb.  I think I am close to reaching the top and I swear it grows a little.  My body seems to be so tense with no way to relax.  When I need to relax I have found that what helps is a little meditation.  Last weekend I started to have a few panic attacks, I needed something so that I could breath again.  I grabbed my tablet and turned on my relaxation app.  I sat in a chair and followed the man's voice as he slowly helped me to relax.  Before I knew it I was so relaxed I was near to sleeping.  It was fantastic!  I know meditation helps and to actually use it in my life is great.  I will use this along with prayer to get this mountain to completely disappear.